3 Signs Your Doctor Is The Right Match For You

It’s easy to tell when a doctor is not great for you. They don’t listen to you, they gaslight you, or they aren’t knowledgeable about your condition. Some doctors don’t believe certain conditions are even real. Illnesses aren’t like Tinkerbell, where if you don’t believe in her she can’t exist. How are they going to treat you when they cherry-pick illnesses, and yours isn’t one of them. 

Maybe you want to stick with the doctor that diagnosed you, but that’s not always the best move or your only option (unless you have terrible health insurance*). You’re allowed to get a second opinion, and sometimes it’s better if you do. Not all doctors are created equal. 

My first gastroenterologist told me to take Advil when I was in so much pain I could barely walk. As if I hadn’t already thought of that. A simple internet search can tell you that NSAIDS, like Advil, should be avoided because they can worsen Crohn’s disease symptoms. He was the one who diagnosed me with severe Crohn’s disease. When he said that, I immediately knew I needed a different doctor.  

Although there are some not so great doctors, like that one, there are also plenty of good ones. Some doctors can also be great in their field, but they’re not for you. Doctors are humans too, and you’re not going to get along with every human, so how can you expect to get along with every doctor. Asides from their knowledge, there are 3 main things to look for that show they’re a good doctor for you. 

They don’t make you feel uncomfortable 

If your gut gives you a bad feeling about them, listen. If you feel off just being in a room with them, you won’t feel comfortable with them touching you. This is someone to who you are going to entrust with your health. You need to have a certain level of comfort with them and be able to trust their judgment. 

Some people feel more comfortable with someone of the same or opposite gender, depending on what it is for. For example, I prefer seeing women gynecologists because I think they would be more likely to understand whatever I’m going through than some men would. There are good male gynecologists, but I personally wouldn’t feel super comfortable with them. 

Other times it could be that you’ll feel more comfortable after seeing them multiple times. It does feel weird to listen to a total stranger and let them look at parts of your body that you don’t let just anyone else see. But that feels different than being uncomfortable by someone for who they are. 

They listen to you

Your doctor is someone who will tell you what to do with your body and how to care for your health. They should be someone who listens to you, and it shows. This means they address your concerns, answer your questions, and don’t gloss over what you say. 

You want someone who won’t dismiss all your symptoms as ‘stress’, ‘anxiety’, ‘depression’, or ‘just in your head’. It’s okay for those to be the first things to rule out because there are many cases where that is the cause, but if you feel that it’s something more and you’ve ruled those out, voiced your concerns, and they’re still dismissing you, they probably aren’t the best doctor for you. 

In some cases, if they listen to you for the most part but you disagree on one thing, it might be better to just drop that subject if it isn’t going to actually affect you. An example of this is how my current GI says he wants me to be able to reverse my ileostomy. Since my Crohn’s disease is severe, there’s a possibility that I would need to redo it, and I’d rather not risk that. While it annoys me that he doesn’t listen to me about that, our goal is the same. We both want me to get to a point of being able to reverse it, which is long-term remission. Ultimately it’s something that is my choice, is hypothetical, and doesn’t affect my current treatment. Nobody can agree on everything, and as long as he listens to me overall and doesn’t dismiss my symptoms, I feel okay continuing to see him. 

They admit when they don’t know something

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Ask about your diagnosis, treatment, symptoms, tests, scans, results, or anything you think they could potentially have knowledge about. They probably won’t know everything, and that’s okay. It can actually be better if you have a doctor who admits when they don’t know something. Especially if they look for the answer or direct you to someone else who would know. A doctor who recognizes their limitations can be more effective than one with hubris who acts like they know everything and could hinder your treatment. 

I have an ileostomy, so I can’t absorb everything the same as most people, and most doctors don’t know how to fully deal with that. My psychiatrist didn’t know which type of release for medication would be best for me, so she looked up the information in medical journals. Admitting she didn’t know the answer and going to a reputable source made me trust her judgment. 

Some doctors specialize in different systems of the body, and some specialize in specific illnesses. Depending on the level of your condition, you might need someone like that. My favorite GI doctor was the one who told me when my Crohn’s disease progressed past his expertise. He referred me to someone who would be better suited to treat me, and while I was sad to no longer have him as my doctor, I appreciated his candor. 

*In an ideal world, we would see the doctor that is best suited to meet our needs. Unfortunately in America, that’s not always an option. Some insurances give limited options of who is covered, some doctors are too far away, or they don’t accept new patients, so you can’t switch doctors. If you’re stuck with a specific doctor who is not doing something you agree with, speak up. Bring a patient advocate with you to every appointment so you also have a witness to their treatment and someone who can speak up for you. And remember that they are giving their view on things. Ultimately it is your body and you are the one who makes the decisions.