Easy Ways To Help A Loved One With A Chronic Illness

It’s hard to see someone you love struggling with a chronic illness and not be able to do much to make them feel better. You want to help but don’t know how. They might not even know what they need yet either. Remember that some illnesses are invisible, including mental illnesses. Just because you don’t see someone have physical problems doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling or couldn’t use some help. Everyone’s needs are different, but here are some ideas of how you can help: 

Learn about their condition 

There are a lot of illnesses in the world and unless you already know someone with the same condition, you probably have no clue what your loved one is going through. A quick google search is a great way to easily and quickly learn about symptoms they might be experiencing. You can also go on social media to read about the experiences of others with the same condition. You can go to Facebook groups, search through hashtags, read blogs like this one, or visit websites like the Mighty. 

Don’t look at them with pity

When I was first sick almost nobody around me had a clue how to treat me. They looked at me with pity in their eyes, which was frustrating and hurtful. Nobody wants to be pitied. Remember, they’re still the same person, they just happen to have some medical issues now. 

Sometimes it takes a little introspection to think about why you might pity them or look at them differently. We all have internalized ableism, but if you love them you’ll learn to get over that. 

Invite them to the same events you would have before they were sick 

They’re still the same person who enjoys the same things. Maybe they can’t do everything, but that should be up to them to decide. You can help them with accommodations and try to go to accessible events and places. 

Sometimes your person will say no, and sometimes it may be more often than not that they can’t join you because of their health, but if you enjoy their company you should keep inviting them and let them decide their limitations. 

Keep in mind that they have limited energy 

Being sick is exhausting. Spoonies have limited energy and learning to allocate it is difficult. Your loved one may not be able to fully recognize their limitations yet, or they may want to push themselves further than they should. If you notice your person slowing down or struggling, try to check in with them. Maybe you need to cut what you’re doing short, or maybe they just need a break. Avoid pushing them past their limits because it could make them struggle even more later. 

Help them with chores

For most people, things like laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, grocery shopping, cooking, etc… are simple everyday tasks. For someone with an illness, they can be incredibly tiring and are easy to get behind on. You can visit and help them with those chores, pick up some groceries, or take them some meals. 

Modify things around their home to be accessible 

Illness makes doing everything harder, but some adjustments can make them easier and doable. For example, they might not be able to cook much because standing is tiring or painful, so you can help them find a way to sit for most or all of the process. Another example is helping them rearrange things, like their closet or bookshelves, to ensure that what they need is within their reach. 

Let them grieve

Maybe the easiest way to help is to be there for them and let them feel their emotions. They’re going through a lot. Losing your health is like losing a part of yourself. It’s a grieving process and should be treated as such. Let them vent, be sympathetic to their plight, and don’t be judgemental.