Ways Your Mentality Changes When You Become A Spoonie

When a doctor tells you that you have an incurable chronic illness, you know your life will never be the same. Not only is your future different, but your mentality changes. You learn to prioritize yourself, and your values change. 

Your Health Is Your Top Priority

When your body has limits, you learn that you have no choice but to put yourself and your health first. You’ve probably heard before that you can’t help anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first. It’s easy to want to push past being tired, and some people even wear it like a badge of honor; but, it can have consequences. When you have a chronic illness, you quickly learn that if you don’t listen to your body when it asks you for rest, it will force you to rest for even longer. 

I learned that lesson the hard way on multiple occasions. One year in college, I missed half my midterms because of a Crohn’s flare that landed me in the hospital for 5 days. Then, after giving my defense, I was in the hospital for a week, and had to get surgery to remove the fistulas I got from all the stress. Learn from my mistakes and know when to take a break. 

Time And Energy Are More Valuable

Most chronic illnesses come with fatigue or pain. Your body can’t handle as much as it used to. Limited energy means having to rest, which limits your time. Sometimes this means using services like grocery delivery or hiring a cleaning company. Other times it means spending a little more on things like pre-cut ingredients or pre-made meals. 

I used to see pre-cut onions and tomatoes in the grocery store and think they were so expensive when it wasn’t much effort. Then when I got Crohn’s disease and sometimes barely had the energy to stand, it was worth spending the extra money to be able to cook more easily. 

Limited energy can also mean not doing something, or doing less. Not everything has to get done all the time, and doing something halfway or poorly is better than not doing it at all. Eating junk food is better than not eating anything. A washcloth bath is better than nothing. One load of laundry is still less dirty clothes. Small progress is always better than none. 

Boundaries Are Necessary

Prioritizing yourself and valuing your time and energy means setting boundaries. Once you recognize your new limitations, you have to stick to them. It could be limited energy, strength, stamina, patience, or resources. Other people don’t know your limits, and it’s up to you to tell them. 

Setting boundaries is difficult, especially when you don’t know where to start. Some examples include saying no to extra work, leaving an event early, not attending an event, or not answering your phone for a while. It can be hard at first to say no to things, but it becomes easier over time. Always try to put your needs first and not let anyone push your limits. 

It’s Easier To Be Compassionate Toward Others

If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that many people see sick and elderly people as disposable. This world is cruel to disabled people. So many things are inaccessible even though anyone can become disabled at any moment. Someone can be young and seemingly healthy on the outside but in reality, be suffering from an invisible illness. 

I didn’t see how many places are inaccessible until I used a rollator. Many buildings have ramps that are too steep. Some have them are far from the main entrance. Sometimes even finding an elevator is difficult. People also stare when you have a mobility aid. Many have pity in their eyes and often look uncomfortable. On days that I don’t have my mobility aid, I get judgemental looks if I park in a handicapped spot because I’m young and able to walk. They don’t know that I have limited energy, my joints hurt, or that I have to rush to the bathroom. They just see a young woman who is able to walk.  

Disabled people go through a lot of struggles that able-bodied people don’t notice. If something doesn’t affect you, it doesn’t seem like a problem, but once it does you start noticing it everywhere. When you become someone who needs a little more sympathy from others, it becomes easier to show others that same compassion. 

You Live In The Moment 

Chronic illness sucks. It hurts your body and mind and affects every part of your life. Your body is doing its best to protect and take care of you, but it doesn’t always do a great job. Sometimes it gets confused and attacks itself, and sometimes it doesn’t do enough. Maybe you’ll have periods where you can’t do something, and other times you can. When you’re able to do something again, you can enjoy and appreciate those movements or activities more than you ever did before. 

At one point I was on prednisone for so long that it caused damage to my spine and hips. One morning I woke up in excruciating pain. I was screaming from every tiny movement and could barely move, let alone walk. It took months to recover and in that time there were so many things I couldn’t do. I couldn’t pick up my dog, I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t do any chores, and I couldn’t even tie my shoes. Now I can do all those things again and every time I do I think back to when I couldn’t. I feel thankful to my body for recovering and healing itself. I love being able to move and enjoy things more knowing how it feels to not be able to do them. 

We know better than most that the future is unknown and nothing is guaranteed. You never know how long you’ll be able to do something, or depending on your condition, how long you’ll be around. Being aware of this makes it easier to appreciate the present. When so many moments are dark and painful, all the good moments shine brighter.